A Night Out With The Boys
by Dubbers
Summary: Just another normal night for Jack, Ianto and Owen. Includes death by wall, a prison cell, and two drunken, sleep deprived employees.


**Not really any pairings, set early season 2, pre Reset.  
**

**Only Jack, Ianto and Owen appear.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood or any of its characters.  
**

A Night Out With The Boys

Ianto couldn't help but stare as Jack made his way through the crowded room towards him: young girls dancing on either side, he slipped through them with the least amount of groping ever. His face was tired, haunted, but still smiling – it was more automatic now than anything else, the flirting a defence mechanism; the personality to stop him getting hurt, or being disappointed. Ianto often wondered what Jack had been like before...everything. Sometimes he thought he saw glimpses of another man hiding beneath the surface, but maybe that was just another mask that Jack had worn at some point.

"Any luck?" the Captain asked, purposefully jolting his youngest team member from his thoughts by slapping a hand down on his shoulder when near enough. He pulled his smile higher as he realised that those blue eyes had been locked on him all along.

"No sir," Ianto almost blushed when he realised he'd been caught staring, before remembering that he'd done it many times before, and it wasn't as if Jack actually cared. With all the flashing lights in the otherwise darkened room, it was doubtful that anyone would have noticed anyway. "But Owen was pretty sure he'd found something – although that might have been the bar surrounded by scantily clad teenagers." He glanced over, and was unsurprised to see Owen chatting too-

A big hunky guy with several appendages that didn't look entirely human in origin.

"Oh, maybe he has found something."

Ianto turned to see that Jack had already made his way over, immediately flirting with what was probably the equivalent in power to two ten tonne trucks. Ianto's theory was quickly proven right as Jack went flying through several walls, marvelling at how no one ever seemed to be in the Captain's flight path. Maybe it was instinctive.

Ianto reached Jack just as their alien friend turned back to Owen as if to say 'now that that's been taken care of'. He didn't get a chance as the doctor pulled out a giant syringe and stuck it in his new friend's stomach. He doubled up before collapsing and Owen dragged him over to where Ianto was leaning over a dead Jack.

Ianto raised an eyebrow as Owen plonked down next to him. "What was all that about?"

Owen shrugged. "Big guy must've wanted me all to himself."

"Huh." Ianto looked down. "I better get him out of here."

"You do that – I'll take Ugly here back to the Hub." He glanced over to the snoring creature. "I don't think he'll give me any trouble."

Ianto nodded. "Take the SUV; we'll walk. Just chuck him in a cell and go home – or wherever – I don't know how long this'll last."

It was Owen's turn to nod.

Two unconscious/dead men were hoisted over shoulders and set off in opposite directions.

TWTWTWTW

Ten minutes, thirteen seconds and counting. Death by being thrown through several brick walls was surprisingly a new one for Ianto, so he wasn't sure how long it was going to take. He sighed and readjusted Jack's position in his lap, absentmindedly stroking the older man's hair.

He took another long glug from the beer bottle he'd swiped from the bar, and wondered how the hell his life had come to this.

Then he remembered, and took a longer swig.

TWTWTWTW

Jack gasped back into life just after midnight.

Ianto held Jack as he struggled upwards for a few seconds before he realised where he was and relaxed backwards again, apparently content to just lie in Ianto's lap.

"Seventeen minutes and six seconds – must have been significant damage. Either that or you just don't like walls."

Jack barked a short laugh. "Haven't seen that one before I take it?"

"Nope, though I'm sure it's happened."

"Once or twice, possibly a few more; I don't keep a record. Probably before your time."

"Yeah..."

Silence descended, but was soon broken by the strains of Ianto's phone ringing – the Fast Food Rappers if he wasn't very much mistaken. Ianto glared at Jack who smiled innocently back before answering.

"Ianto Jones speaking."

"_I know who I called you idiot."_

"Owen, how delightful to hear your melodious voice again. And here I thought you'd stopped calling."

"_Watch it: Jack's rubbing off on you."_

Jack, who had somehow heard, grinned. "I should hope so." He whispered in Ianto's ear. Ianto turned bright pink and scowled.

Owen continued obliviously. _"Talking of Jack; how is he?" _He'd snapped back into doctor mode.

"Conscious, and muttering inconsolably about rejection." He grimaced as Jack slapped him on the back a little bit too hard.

Owen laughed. "_Tell him he needn't have bothered, I had everything under control."_

"Sure you did. How is lover-boy by the way?"

"_Funny. I locked him up next to Janet, he's just waking up, so I'm going to hightail it outta here before I break his heart."_

"I'm sure it's far too late for that Owen. We'll see you in the morning."

"_Whatever."_

Ianto looked down at Jack, who was playing with the buttons on his shirt. "Owen's locked up the newest threat to the people of Cardiff and headed off."

"It is morning."

Ianto stared, wondering if maybe some of Jack's head wounds hadn't properly healed. "Err..."

"You told Owen you'd see him in the morning, but it is morning."

Ianto sighed, whether in relief or exasperation he wasn't quite sure. "Come on, we can't stay here all night."

"Oh really? Cos I was thinking we could." Jack flipped himself over, placing his hands on the brick wall on either side of Ianto's face. He soon found himself on the floor, with Ianto walking away down the street.

"Hey!" Ianto turned back, patiently waiting for the Captain to pick himself up, dust his coat down and catch up. "How'd you do that?"

"Ah now that, is a trade secret."

"A trade secret? And what trade would that be?"

Ianto just smiled, and continued to walk away.

"Ianto? Ianto!"

TWTWTWTW

Ianto wasn't entirely sure when Jack had stopped following him, but he wasn't really bothered. Figuring he'd popped into a bar to try and get drunk and/or laid, he continued blithely back home to hopefully get a few hours sleep before he had to be at work in...seven hours.

Ianto sighed and reached for his keys, one hand on the front door.

"_A pizza hut, a pizza hut-"_

He swore; desperately trying to shut his phone up, he didn't notice his house keys drop out of his hand and into a plant pot.

"_Kentucky fried chick-"_

"Hello?" Ianto hadn't bothered checking the caller ID, but was unsurprised to hear Jack's voice on the other end.

"_Ianto? I umm...sort of, maybe..."_

"What have you done sir?"

Jack's voice took on a rather meek tone. "_Got arrested. I need you to come get me out."_

Ianto desperately resisted the urge to laugh. "You got...arrested? What did you do?"

"_Nothing."_ Ianto waited, silent. "_I got into a fight at a bar and broke someone's nose. I don't see what the problem is; he started it."_

One eyebrow shot up.

"_Apparently the word_ Torchwood_ means nothing around here._"

"More likely it means too much sir."

"_Just come get me out would you? This guy in the corner keeps eyeing me up; and not in a good way."_

Ianto sighed. "On my way." He hung up on Jack's thanks, not wanting to hear it, and headed for his car. So much for getting any sleep before work.

TWTWTWTW

Ianto groaned as he approached the policeman at the desk. The man looked up, a smug grin alighting on his face when he saw who it was.

"Ianto! Come to get your boyfriend back?"

"He's not my boyfriend Brian."

"Course not mate." Brian Jenkins was an old school friend of Ianto's; although maybe_ friend_ wasn't the best word to use. "So, how you been?"

"Fine." Brian made no effort to move. Ianto raised an eyebrow, Brian got the picture.

"Right, down to business then. This way." He got up and opened a barred door, gesturing for Ianto to precede him. They walked down quite a long corridor, normal barred cells along either side. Laughter could clearly be heard from further down. Brian and Ianto shared a look, and sped up.

They turned a corner, and both stopped in their tracks.

"...so then I said: if that's what you're charging, you can take your fried tentacles and shove them-"

Jack stopped as he caught sight of the new arrivals. "Ianto – glad you could finally make it."

Ianto glared. Jack was sat on the bench in his cell, cellmates gathered around and other prisoners sat as close as they could. He'd obviously been regaling them with one of his preposterous stories, and was lapping up the attention.

"Should I have bothered to come?" Ianto asked, wondering if he'd sacrificed another hour's sleep for a pointless cause. "You seem quite happy here."

"Well, all good things must come to an end." Jack slowly got up and made his way towards his cell door; Brian moved forward to open it.

The lock clicked open and Jack stepped out. The prisoners issued a collective groan.

"Some other time boys." Jack reassured them, secretly having no plan to ever visit the building again. He turned to Ianto. "Let's get out of here."

Once outside, Ianto turned to Jack. "Next time you're on your own. Especially at half one in the morning."

Jack nodded; he was actually surprised the young man had come to fetch him, and that he'd even picked up his phone in the first place. "Gotcha. See you tomorrow."

"Today."

Jack blinked, then smiled. "Right, but see you today doesn't sound as good."

Ianto rolled his eyes and set off home.

Jack watched his departing back for a while, before making a beeline to the nearest accessible rooftop.

TWTWTWTW

Ianto finally made it home just as the clock struck half two. He groaned, wondering why it had taken him so long to get home: his place was only a ten minute drive from the police station. Then he remembered that he'd walked, because some sadistic traffic warden had still been up at two in the morning.

He reached for his keys, looking forward to maybe four hours sleep: his hand encountered the fabric of his empty pocket.

"Shit."

It was _so_ not his day.

TWTWTWTW

Owen stumbled into the Hub at half four in the morning. He'd figured instead of making the hour-long drunken plod home, pass out for several hours, wake up with the _grandma_ of all hangovers and get shouted at by an unsympathetic boss for being late to work; he'd find a spare room at the Hub, grab some of his hangover cure and catch a few more hours shut eye. After all, surely he couldn't be shouted at if he'd been in the building the entire time?

Staggering over to the sofa – he wasn't sure he could make it downstairs – he was brought up short by a sight he'd never expected to see.

Ianto – prim and proper Mr. Jones – was slumped across the settee, wearing a crumpled t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Owen snorted and the not-actually-sleeping man cracked open one eye and glared.

"What are you doing here?" Ianto grumbled, annoyed his futile attempt at getting to sleep had been interrupted.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I asked first."

"I'm drunk, and I need to sleep."

"You don't sound drunk."

"Appearances can be deceptive, and so can sounds apparently."

Ianto snorted.

"Your turn."

"I lost my keys."

Owen frowned. "So where've you been all night?"

"Dragging Jack's sorry butt out of jail."

Owen barked a laugh and then winced as his head pounded. "Serves him right."

Ianto sighed. "I should have left him there."

"There'll be other times."

"There better be." Ianto picked up a beer bottle and slugged half of it down. Owen stared. "Did you want some?" he gestured to another three bottles on the floor.

Owen continued to stare, snagged a bottle and plonked himself down on the sofa as Ianto made room for him. "I didn't think you drank."

"You thought wrong."

"Huh." There was a pause a both men continued to get drunk. "Should probably get some sleep before Jack comes in."

Ianto snorted. "Like that'll do us any good."

Owen tried to raise an eyebrow, but gave up half way through. "You sound drunk."

"I _feel_ drunk." Another pause. "I have a plan."

Another gulp.

Another bottle.

"Yeah?" Owen prompted.

"If...we get really drunk, we'll just pass out, and then there's no need for sleep."

There was silence for a couple of minutes as Owen's drunken mind tried to process this. "I'm up for that." He grabbed another bottle. "I have a feeling I'll regret this in the morning."

Ianto snorted. "It is morning."

TWTWTWTW

Captain Jack Harkness walked into the Torchwood 3 Hub at six am, and headed over to Tosh computer to check the program she'd left running yesterday. He only made it halfway there before he was forced to stop, backtrack, and stare.

Owen Harper and Ianto Jones were sprawled across the sofa, several empty bottles of something presumably alcoholic scattered on the floor next to them. Owen had his head on Ianto's shoulder, and both were gently snoring.

Jack smiled, fetched a blanket from somewhere, and headed over to his office leaving them to sleep. Let it never be said that he was an inconsiderate boss; he was more than content to let the girls take some embarrassing pictures whenever they got in.

**~Fin**

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**I hope you enjoyed.  
**


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